My mother said I swear to much in my previous blog. WTF??? I do not swear ever. Sheesh. So I will attempt to use colorful language that does not involve anything but perfect effing English… or substitute asterisks so my one reader, mom, will be happy. Hi Mom!
Day 5 P90X. MUCH BETTER today. No pretzel contortions. Back to things I can relate to like crippling squats and pull ups. Walking is SO overrated. And I really don’t need to bring a fork up to my mouth anyway…it all works in my favor. You may have noticed I glossed over the topic of me revisiting yoga after my Dave Ramsey class. That is because although I had EVERY intention of finishing that additional hour of purgatory wonderfulness, I just plain was in too much pain to do it. Never fear, I SHALL conquer that dvd…it just wasn’t meant to be yesterday. My super cool coach Dan was all “Rockstar” and stuff on my FB status and now he’s going to take it back. Sigh.
Well I have to take my lumps with my triumphs. And this program isn’t about cheating. Its about fessing up to the shortcomings that got my fat ass (does that count as a swear) into this predicament in the first place. And I’m sure there is torture yoga in my future that I will get through with flying colors even if I hate every single sweaty move of it.
Of course everything gets put into perspective when I hear from my friend in Baghdad who tells me about rocket launches going into the landing zone – but “not to worry – that is a couple of miles away”. I’m sorry, but if there were rocket launches from religious fundamentalists of any sort within this COUNTRY I would be crying like a baby, packing up and going with my kids into the mountains with my guns and survival packs. Oh that’s right, I don’t have guns and survival packs YET. Stay tuned.
Luckily Kenpo is tomorrow…which from the picture I’m gathering involves some sort of martial artsy kicking. So look out Islam…I’m gonna kick yer butt if you come here to “Idaho” and try to pull some terrorist crap here. I know, you’re all like “are you just down on religion?” The answer is HECK NO…just the ones that are based on fairy tales and hatefulness. I think I’ve covered the big two. I might have to bring some self-deprecating Catholic jokes tomorrow.
Alrighty then. Onward and upwards. Off to eat a protein bar.
Empress Out.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Hello Advil, Its me Shelley
Well, Day 4 of P90X isn't all it is cracked up to be. Yoga. I looked at that DVD and said "piece of cake." Fast forward 30 minutes and I am thinking India where Yoga originated must be Purgatory. Who in the HELL would come up with this shit? Why do I need to contort my body in unnatural poses that cause great discomfort only to be sweating and shaking and feeling completely inept?
Damn, at least if I can't do a pull up, I feel like - well YEAH...neither can most of Fatso America. But to not be able to touch my toes or do a pose called downward dog..and do I really want to do a pose called downward dog if I'm not having sex???? Truly folks, this is a test of will. So, I paused the DVD at minute 30 promising myself that after my Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class, I will eagerly come back to it and complete it. Tune in tomorrow for more on that.
In the meantime, although I am a web/graphic designer extraordinaire, I thought you should know that I am the patron saint to working parents everywhere and I run a preschool out of my home. Shut up I don't use the same language with my sweet little darlings. What is wrong with you? Listen, I am good at what I do and I don't just "babysit" - these kids learn and are loved and have fun and quite frankly we're a family all unto our own. I have potty trained more kids than a plural marriage fundamentalist Morman family. And probably taught more kids to read too. (I'm not sure - do the fundamentalists allow their women to learn to read?)
In case you are coming after me now because I dissed the Momo's ala Jon Krakauer, I live in Idaho... But I still like Mitt Romney - go figure. YES, I understand there is a huge difference between the regular crazy Mormons and the fundamentalists. Oh I'm sorry you're offended that I have doubts about John Smiths Magic Spectacles... but I digress.
I'm sure each of my sweet wards will all get up in front of the world after their nobel peace prizes (wait, those aren't hard to get any more), I mean their Olympic Medals and Academy Awards and new Patents for a cure for cancer and say "I want to send a special thank you to my preschool teacher Miss Shelley who taught me how to read." Nevertheless, if they know they are loved then I will have done my job right.
Moving right along I have managed to get through the rest of my day with a joie de vivre and a spring in my step as the Advil sets in and makes the pain from my poor sore muscles I'm in go away. I WILL get through yoga tonight. I will. The bottle says I can take more in 6 hours. I'm golden.
Until tomorrow folks,
Empress Out
Damn, at least if I can't do a pull up, I feel like - well YEAH...neither can most of Fatso America. But to not be able to touch my toes or do a pose called downward dog..and do I really want to do a pose called downward dog if I'm not having sex???? Truly folks, this is a test of will. So, I paused the DVD at minute 30 promising myself that after my Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class, I will eagerly come back to it and complete it. Tune in tomorrow for more on that.
In the meantime, although I am a web/graphic designer extraordinaire, I thought you should know that I am the patron saint to working parents everywhere and I run a preschool out of my home. Shut up I don't use the same language with my sweet little darlings. What is wrong with you? Listen, I am good at what I do and I don't just "babysit" - these kids learn and are loved and have fun and quite frankly we're a family all unto our own. I have potty trained more kids than a plural marriage fundamentalist Morman family. And probably taught more kids to read too. (I'm not sure - do the fundamentalists allow their women to learn to read?)
In case you are coming after me now because I dissed the Momo's ala Jon Krakauer, I live in Idaho... But I still like Mitt Romney - go figure. YES, I understand there is a huge difference between the regular crazy Mormons and the fundamentalists. Oh I'm sorry you're offended that I have doubts about John Smiths Magic Spectacles... but I digress.
I'm sure each of my sweet wards will all get up in front of the world after their nobel peace prizes (wait, those aren't hard to get any more), I mean their Olympic Medals and Academy Awards and new Patents for a cure for cancer and say "I want to send a special thank you to my preschool teacher Miss Shelley who taught me how to read." Nevertheless, if they know they are loved then I will have done my job right.
Moving right along I have managed to get through the rest of my day with a joie de vivre and a spring in my step as the Advil sets in and makes the pain from my poor sore muscles I'm in go away. I WILL get through yoga tonight. I will. The bottle says I can take more in 6 hours. I'm golden.
Until tomorrow folks,
Empress Out
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Its a New Life for Me and I'm Feeling Good
I have been on a journey of extreme growth and change for the past year and a half. Of course we are always on a journey of change - we can only hope that growth is incorporated into that change. About a year ago, I heard the song that Michael Buble does "Feeling Good" for the first time. It has become my theme song ever since. My life has not always reflected that, but it remains in the back of my head even during my toughest days.
As a single mother of four, I don't have much time to take care of myself. I haven't been exercising, I certainly haven't been careful about what I eat, and some days, I'm lucky if I get a shower in. The problem with not taking time for myself is that I start to feel like a former version of me...sort of one that is in black and white, not in full color. Or I feel like I've fast forwarded through time and I'm suddenly old and limited in my choices for the future.
I got tired of being overweight, tired, frustrated and broke. I decided to buy the P90X and start working out.
Through this experience I decided to enroll in the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University program and also start a vigorous weight loss program. Since both are brand new to my life, I thought I would begin a blog to chronicle my progress and perhaps see some new revelations about my life and where it is going. I am excited to see what the future holds.
There comes a time in all our lives where we have to face up to the truth. We have to believe the scale, take stock of the bank statements, and evaluate our actions with honesty. I am ready to believe what I see, and change it to truly be what I want it to be. I no longer want to APPEAR like I have my life together, I really want to HAVE my life together.
Empress Out for today...
As a single mother of four, I don't have much time to take care of myself. I haven't been exercising, I certainly haven't been careful about what I eat, and some days, I'm lucky if I get a shower in. The problem with not taking time for myself is that I start to feel like a former version of me...sort of one that is in black and white, not in full color. Or I feel like I've fast forwarded through time and I'm suddenly old and limited in my choices for the future.
I got tired of being overweight, tired, frustrated and broke. I decided to buy the P90X and start working out.
Through this experience I decided to enroll in the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University program and also start a vigorous weight loss program. Since both are brand new to my life, I thought I would begin a blog to chronicle my progress and perhaps see some new revelations about my life and where it is going. I am excited to see what the future holds.
There comes a time in all our lives where we have to face up to the truth. We have to believe the scale, take stock of the bank statements, and evaluate our actions with honesty. I am ready to believe what I see, and change it to truly be what I want it to be. I no longer want to APPEAR like I have my life together, I really want to HAVE my life together.
Empress Out for today...
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